Clear communication at work – Misunderstandings trigger 5: Fairness

Part of a blog series on the SCARF Model by David Rock. Part 5 of 5.

Know what you want to say, know what is going on.

Understand psychological communication triggers at work and learn how to avoid them so that your team can collaborate and create freely.

Helpful vocabulary is underlined and explained below!

David Rock: The SCARF Model

SCARF is an acronym and stands for Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness. If you are upset about something that happened with a colleague at work, David Rock says, it might be that you were triggered in one of these areas. Social pain, Rock tells us, is felt by the brain as sharply and acutely as physical pain. So it’s no wonder then that when there is conflict at work, we end up feeling “hurt”, “injured”, and that we spend large portions of the day “licking our wounds” afterwards.

Understanding what your triggers are (and those of your colleagues) can help you communicate better and enjoy a workplace with less unnecessary pain and stress.

If you are a leader, understanding these triggers is a powerful tool that will help manage your teams more smoothly and in a way that keeps everyone feeling safe, happy, and productive.

This post is about the final trigger: Fairness.

(Click here to get to the previous posts about Status, Certainty, Autonomy, and Relatedness).

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Fairness

Fairness means that the same rules apply to everyone. Did you know that fairness is such a deeply rooted instinct that even primates share it? Watch this short video if you don’t believe me. Because it is so basic, many people think it sounds silly or childish to complain when things are “not fair” but these feelings should be taken very seriously. Feelings of justice and injustice are powerful emotions and a work environment that doesn't take them seriously can find itself derailed by departments fighting each other and team members who don’t trust each other or their superiors.

Example: Your company is moving offices. Your workplace will change from sharing a room with only one other colleague to sitting together with your entire department in an open-plan office. You hate this: you really like a quiet environment when you’re working and you get distracted easily by your colleagues walking around the office and having calls right next to you. You’ve tried talking to your boss about your concerns but he doesn't seem to care: everyone has to share one large office now and you have to deal with it! Everyone? No, not everyone! Your boss will still have a private office with four walls and a door he can close. This does not seem fair to you at all and you’re angry that your old workplace is being taken away from you. Clearly, this is a Fairness-threat. What can help you now? Try to talk to your colleagues. It’s likely that many of them feel the same way and maybe together you can decide about some things that will help you like a fair system for who sits where or how to share the conference room so everyone can have some quiet time when they need it. As for your boss, if he is smart, he’ll give you reasons why he needs to keep his private office: he has confidential phone calls to make and needs a place where he can have sensitive 1:1 conversations with his employees.

Dont’s:

– excluding people

– discrimination

– rules that don’t apply to everyone

Do’s:

– clear rules for everyone on the team, like a code of conduct that is posted visibly in the office

– being transparent about decision-making processes, especially if they affect people personally

– clear objectives that help everyone keep each other accountable

– owning your privileges and talking openly about fairness

– volunteer work. Fighting for a cause you believe in exercises your ‘fairness’ muscle and will make smaller conflicts at work seem less important.

Helpful phrases for talking to someone who is experiencing this trigger:

“I know that it might not seem fair, but I want to explain the reasons behind this decision.”

“I think it’s very important that we make this decision process transparent so that you can all see why management thinks that a change is good for us.”

“Can we think of a way we can organise this that is fair to everyone?”

Click here to read Rock’s original article, watch this talk about his insanely insightful book Your Brain at Work, or check out the Neuroleadership Institute who offer great free webinars about creating psychologically safe, brain-friendly and inclusive work places.

And if you want more tips and resources for clearer communication in English, sign up to my newsletter below!

EDGY VOCABULARY FROM THIS POST:

acronym = an acronym is an abbreviation (=a short form) using the first letters of each word, e.g. ASAP (as soon as possible) or IDFK (I don’t fucking know)

licking your wounds = IDIOM: when someone hurt you and you want to go away somewhere and feel sorry for yourself

deeply-rooted instinct = FIXED EXPRESSION this is an old, essential feeling that is far away from your rational thinking; like a tree with deep roots

primates = primates are the ‘smart monkeys’: chimpanzees, bonobos, orang-utans, etc. that are closest to humans in genes and behaviour.

open-plan office = a big office space with many desks and no walls, or only low walls that section off each desk (cubicles)

concerns = the things you worry about

likely = this is what will probably happen

confidential = no-one else should hear it because it is private or legally sensitive

code of conduct = a set of rules or a philosophy that describes how members of an organisation want to treat each other

posted = here, posted means that a piece of paper is hung up on a wall where everybody can see it.

keep each other accountable = this means that you (gently) remind each other that the rules apply to everyone

own your privilege = FIXED EXPRESSION “Owning your privilege” means being honest about the fact that you were ‘lucky’ in life if you are: white/ cis/ heterosexual/ healthy/ were born in the global North, etc. It means that you are honest about how easy you had it –relatively speaking– and that you take responsibility for making sure that people who are less privileged than you have the same access that you had to education, housing, jobs, etc.

fighting for a cause = a “cause” is something you believe in, like a political movement, protecting the climate, animal rights, etc.