Clear communication at work – Misunderstandings trigger 3: Autonomy
Part of a blog series on the SCARF Model by David Rock. Part 3 of 5.
Know what you want to say, know what is going on.
Understand psychological communication triggers at work and learn how to avoid them so that your team can collaborate and create freely.
Helpful vocabulary is underlined and explained below!
David Rock: The SCARF Model
SCARF is an acronym and stands for Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness. If you are upset about something that happened with a colleague at work, David Rock says, it might be that you were triggered in one of these areas. Social pain, Rock tells us, is felt by the brain as sharply and acutely as physical pain. So it’s no wonder then that when there is conflict at work, we end up feeling “hurt”, “injured”, and that we spend large portions of the day “licking our wounds” afterwards.
Understanding what your triggers are (and those of your colleagues) can help you communicate better and enjoy a workplace with less unnecessary pain and stress.
If you are a leader, understanding these triggers is a powerful tool that will help manage your teams more smoothly and in a way that keeps everyone feeling safe, happy, and productive.
This post is about the third trigger: Autonomy.
(Click here to get to the posts about Status, Certainty, Relatedness, and Fairness).
Autonomy
Autonomy is about your freedom to make your own decisions. You hate being told what to do. Everybody does. We want to feel like a free agent and we don’t want to have someone watching our every move. When we are free to follow our instincts, pursue our interests, and manage our own time, we are capable of getting massive amounts of work done in a way that feels exciting and rewarding. Give someone the same amount of work but with a punch-card and a supervisor breathing down their neck? They’ll soon need to take a few weeks off because they are going to feel burnt out.
Example: Your boss hands over a project to you that she was responsible for in the past. You feel excited: this is something you’ve been interested in for a long time and you have lots of ideas for how to take the project to the next level. But then, your boss starts asking: Did you already phone the client? What did they say after the meeting? Maybe you should write them another email about it, but please put me in CC. Your motivation starts draining out of you immediately. You realise: this is not your project. It’s still hers. You’re just doing the one who’s doing all the work now! And as your motivation fades, so does the quality of your work: you become sloppy about documentation, you don’t follow-up on meetings, you finish tasks just before the deadline. Your problem: your sense of Autonomy has been taken away. To regain that sense of control and motivation, see if you can talk to your boss about your feelings. She might not even realise she’s micromanaging you. Maybe ask her for a different project that you can truly make your own. And if that fails, do what I did and start your own business. ;)
Dont’s:
– micromanagement
– sharing too much of the same responsibility on projects
Do’s:
– clear rules about who has control over time, tasks, processes
– talk about how much accountability vs. space people need
– give choices
Helpful phrases for talking to someone who is experiencing this trigger:
“Would you like some ideas from me or do you prefer working on it alone for now?”
“I have some ideas about how to move forward but I’d really like to hear your ideas about it first.”
“The way I see it, we have two options here – which one would you prefer?”
Click here to read Rock’s original article, watch this talk about his insanely insightful book Your Brain at Work, or check out the Neuroleadership Institute who offer great free webinars about creating psychologically safe, brain-friendly and inclusive work places.
And if you want more tips and resources for clearer communication in English, sign up to my newsletter below!
EDGY VOCABULARY FROM THIS POST:
acronym = an acronym is an abbreviation (=a short form) using the first letters of each word, e.g. ASAP (as soon as possible) or IDFK (I don’t fucking know)
licking your wounds = IDIOM: when someone hurt you and you want to go away somewhere and feel sorry for yourself
a free agent = someone who can decide and act independently
watching your every move = FIXED EXPRESSION when someone is micro-managing you
pursue your interests = follow your interests
punch-card = a (chip-) card that you scan when you enter your workplace; it records your work time
breathing down your neck = IDIOM When someone is breathing down your neck, it means they are monitoring you too closely and creating pressure, like they are literally standing behind you so you can feel their breath on your neck.
drain = run out; like the water after you take a bath
sloppy = careless, messy
